I used to have this job with an oil company in Houston. I worked a rotational schedule: 14 days on, 14 days off. This worked out ok for a while, and then it looked like my then-fledgling marriage wasn't going to be able to handle it. So I quit that job--which would have taken me around the world, doing the work that I want--and moved back to LA full-time to take a job that has turned out to be not what I expected.
Only thing is now I'm not married (or soon-to-be-not-married), and I'm stuck in LA with a job at a company I don't like, doing work that doesn't make me happy. It's not that the work isn't interesting or challenging, it's just not what I want to be doing. And I'm coming to realize that LA is not where I want to be living either.
So I've put out a bunch of applications for jobs in other parts of the country, and in other parts of the world. In fact, two of those applications are with the company I used to work for, in the Netherlands and in New Zealand. And both of those applications are currently "under review". Cross your fingers and toes for me!
If I get the job in NL, that will put me right where I said I wanted to be at this point in my career, though certainly not by the route I'd anticipated.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
And then there were two...
Since shortly after the beginning of my separation from my husband in November I've been seeing a couple a folks. I figure I'm entitled, right? No sex in my marriage for long enough to have borne a child to term can do something for a girl's self-confidence and sense of self-worth.
So then there were two:
Gentleman #1, friend of one of my best and oldest friends in this city, freelance film writer, producer, and director (read: he makes porn), some of the best sex of my life. Honestly. Mind blowing. I think we started out with a full-on 12 hours of verbal foreplay via text message while I watched the Chargers beat the Colts in the rain in mid-November. Then I spent about 90 minutes naked while he drew me in various poses... I'd never done any figure modeling before and it was fun. Needless to say I was not the only one naked for very much longer... We had a few weeks of really fantastic sex, all the time. It was great. I felt desired, I was losing the weight I'd put on in the months leading up to the separation, he made me feel beautiful. Only thing is, that freelance stuff is feast or famine. And when he has to work on a project all he does is work. Really. For hours and hours and hours at a time, stopping only to eat and sleep, a little. I need a bit more attention than that. Not a lot, but a little. It doesn't help that he lives in LA and I'm in Long Beach...
Gentleman #2, in a band with the boyfriend of my good friend. Musician, sweet as pie, very kind. Spent hours standing on street corners or sitting on his car making out like middle schoolers. Do you remember what it was like before sex? When it was about holding hands in public and kissing outside your house for every single minute you could until it was 10 minutes past curfew and your Dad was about 5 seconds away from storming outside in his boxer shorts to mortify you for the rest of your life? Yeah, it was like that. But the sex... Not so much. I'm not a size queen or a marathon woman, but regardless of what you're working with you have to know how to use it, and how to make sure that before you're done using it I am at least close to an orgasm if I haven't already had about 3 or 4 (thank you #1). #1 isn't huge, but damn does he know what he's doing, and I think the first time we had sex it was for almost three hours. Really. It also doesn't help that #2 lives north of LA and I'm in Long Beach...
Both Gentlemen had their good points, and both had their bad. Put the best parts of both of them together and you've got a pretty decent guy. Sweet and ok with PDA (more so than I am, actually) and able to absolutely rock my world in the bed. That would be about perfect. Except that I realized quite some time ago that no one and nothing is perfect.
#1 went into seclusion to work on his next project and I made the conscious decision to try and slowly phase out #2 after a particularly disappointing sleep-over. I haven't seen either of them in almost a month, #1 I haven't seen since before Christmas. And then there were none.
Enter #3. Friend of the woman who was dating my husband when I met him, who is now married to the man I broke up with shortly before meeting my husband. (Aside: When do I stop calling him my husband? Now? When the paper work goes through? When/if I get married again?). This woman, lets call her K., is great. I'm really glad that we all managed to be friends after the relationship tangles worked themselves out, because she is something special. Anyway, she was in Long Beach visiting a friend of hers who was laid up after a nasty fall at a New Year's Eve party. She and I met up for drinks and snacks and we spent some time getting caught up. She got the full run down on #1 and #2, and then she brought up the man who would eventually become #3.
I had met him before at a party at my old house for K's birthday. He came with a tank full of homemade wine strapped to his back (he home brews and distills)... She was saying how cool he was and that we should totally hang out since now I live in Long Beach, and he lives in Long Beach... And did I want to go over to his place when we were done with drinks? I was a couple mojitos in at that point and suggested he come join us instead.
About 15 minutes later he shows up on his bike and we all spent a fantastic evening together. K was staying at my house for the night and since we weren't really ready to turn in, #3 came back with us too. Long story short (and I'm honestly not sure exactly how this happened), she's asleep on the guest bed in the living room and #3 and I are snuggled in my bed in our pjs.
I think we've spent the night together most nights since then. We waited a (short) while to have sex, and it just keeps getting better and better. That's the best kind. If it starts out mind-blowing (#1), there's an expectation that it will continue to be that great (it rarely is). If it starts out awful (#2), there's not really an incentive to stick around and try to make it get better (it rarely does). But when it starts out good, you don't have any desire to bail on the whole thing but your expectations are reasonable. And then when those expectations are repeatedly exceeded... Mmmm. This is not really the venue for all the details, but suffice it to say I am a much happier sort of a person these days. Amazing what good sex does for one's general outlook on life.
And then there were two.
The only problem with all of this is that there is no problem. #1 and #2 were safe because they both had these big, glaring things about them that rendered them ultimately undesirable. But #3... I do like him. Really I do. But should I? Am I allowed to? Is it even a good idea to contemplate this right now?
...
So then there were two:
Gentleman #1, friend of one of my best and oldest friends in this city, freelance film writer, producer, and director (read: he makes porn), some of the best sex of my life. Honestly. Mind blowing. I think we started out with a full-on 12 hours of verbal foreplay via text message while I watched the Chargers beat the Colts in the rain in mid-November. Then I spent about 90 minutes naked while he drew me in various poses... I'd never done any figure modeling before and it was fun. Needless to say I was not the only one naked for very much longer... We had a few weeks of really fantastic sex, all the time. It was great. I felt desired, I was losing the weight I'd put on in the months leading up to the separation, he made me feel beautiful. Only thing is, that freelance stuff is feast or famine. And when he has to work on a project all he does is work. Really. For hours and hours and hours at a time, stopping only to eat and sleep, a little. I need a bit more attention than that. Not a lot, but a little. It doesn't help that he lives in LA and I'm in Long Beach...
Gentleman #2, in a band with the boyfriend of my good friend. Musician, sweet as pie, very kind. Spent hours standing on street corners or sitting on his car making out like middle schoolers. Do you remember what it was like before sex? When it was about holding hands in public and kissing outside your house for every single minute you could until it was 10 minutes past curfew and your Dad was about 5 seconds away from storming outside in his boxer shorts to mortify you for the rest of your life? Yeah, it was like that. But the sex... Not so much. I'm not a size queen or a marathon woman, but regardless of what you're working with you have to know how to use it, and how to make sure that before you're done using it I am at least close to an orgasm if I haven't already had about 3 or 4 (thank you #1). #1 isn't huge, but damn does he know what he's doing, and I think the first time we had sex it was for almost three hours. Really. It also doesn't help that #2 lives north of LA and I'm in Long Beach...
Both Gentlemen had their good points, and both had their bad. Put the best parts of both of them together and you've got a pretty decent guy. Sweet and ok with PDA (more so than I am, actually) and able to absolutely rock my world in the bed. That would be about perfect. Except that I realized quite some time ago that no one and nothing is perfect.
#1 went into seclusion to work on his next project and I made the conscious decision to try and slowly phase out #2 after a particularly disappointing sleep-over. I haven't seen either of them in almost a month, #1 I haven't seen since before Christmas. And then there were none.
Enter #3. Friend of the woman who was dating my husband when I met him, who is now married to the man I broke up with shortly before meeting my husband. (Aside: When do I stop calling him my husband? Now? When the paper work goes through? When/if I get married again?). This woman, lets call her K., is great. I'm really glad that we all managed to be friends after the relationship tangles worked themselves out, because she is something special. Anyway, she was in Long Beach visiting a friend of hers who was laid up after a nasty fall at a New Year's Eve party. She and I met up for drinks and snacks and we spent some time getting caught up. She got the full run down on #1 and #2, and then she brought up the man who would eventually become #3.
I had met him before at a party at my old house for K's birthday. He came with a tank full of homemade wine strapped to his back (he home brews and distills)... She was saying how cool he was and that we should totally hang out since now I live in Long Beach, and he lives in Long Beach... And did I want to go over to his place when we were done with drinks? I was a couple mojitos in at that point and suggested he come join us instead.
About 15 minutes later he shows up on his bike and we all spent a fantastic evening together. K was staying at my house for the night and since we weren't really ready to turn in, #3 came back with us too. Long story short (and I'm honestly not sure exactly how this happened), she's asleep on the guest bed in the living room and #3 and I are snuggled in my bed in our pjs.
I think we've spent the night together most nights since then. We waited a (short) while to have sex, and it just keeps getting better and better. That's the best kind. If it starts out mind-blowing (#1), there's an expectation that it will continue to be that great (it rarely is). If it starts out awful (#2), there's not really an incentive to stick around and try to make it get better (it rarely does). But when it starts out good, you don't have any desire to bail on the whole thing but your expectations are reasonable. And then when those expectations are repeatedly exceeded... Mmmm. This is not really the venue for all the details, but suffice it to say I am a much happier sort of a person these days. Amazing what good sex does for one's general outlook on life.
And then there were two.
The only problem with all of this is that there is no problem. #1 and #2 were safe because they both had these big, glaring things about them that rendered them ultimately undesirable. But #3... I do like him. Really I do. But should I? Am I allowed to? Is it even a good idea to contemplate this right now?
...
Tuesday, January 08, 2008
Home Sweet Home
The homestead is coming together, but slowly. The hardest part is that I've got this vision in my head of the way everything will look when it's finally done, but that vision and the current reality are a bit far apart at the moment.
The living room is half done. And by half done I really mean half done. One side of the room is painted, has furniture arranged, and books unpacked and on shelves. The other side still has yellow walls and is full of unpacked boxes of clothes and office paperwork. If I don't try and look out the window at the beach I can kind of pretend that it's not there... but what's the point of a room with a view if you don't appreciate it?
The living room is half done. And by half done I really mean half done. One side of the room is painted, has furniture arranged, and books unpacked and on shelves. The other side still has yellow walls and is full of unpacked boxes of clothes and office paperwork. If I don't try and look out the window at the beach I can kind of pretend that it's not there... but what's the point of a room with a view if you don't appreciate it?
Thursday, January 03, 2008
Wednesday, January 02, 2008
I guess I have to start blogging again...
...seeing as I'm getting divorced and all. I think blogger might be my new home. Like so many things, livejournal seems to be a thing of the past.
Things aren't nasty, which is refreshing, but they aren't actually comfortable either. It's probably the strangest break-up I've ever been through, honestly. I think we really threw the marriage counselor for a loop when, during our first session after spending 30 minutes giving her the background we replied to her question of "so what are your goals for couple's therapy?" with:
"You want to get divorced?" (me).
"Yeah, I think I do" (him).
"So I guess you're not coming back for another session, huh?" (her).
Things aren't nasty, which is refreshing, but they aren't actually comfortable either. It's probably the strangest break-up I've ever been through, honestly. I think we really threw the marriage counselor for a loop when, during our first session after spending 30 minutes giving her the background we replied to her question of "so what are your goals for couple's therapy?" with:
"You want to get divorced?" (me).
"Yeah, I think I do" (him).
"So I guess you're not coming back for another session, huh?" (her).
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